Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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