So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you made out with another girl for some wings
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
