Where are you?
In a non slutty way
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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