Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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