Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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