My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
