All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
