I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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