Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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