btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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