no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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