idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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