OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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