Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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