I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
