normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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