its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
