community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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