so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
