I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
