Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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