He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
