Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
