I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
