I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
