The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
