dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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