i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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