Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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