at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
