as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
