she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
