What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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