I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
