I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
