A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
