i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
