What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
