If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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