i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
