So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
