Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
