I heard we made out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
