I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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