if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
