I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.