so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.