And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere