put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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