He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.