Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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