That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.