hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize