I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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