so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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