You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
