is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
