Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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