The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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