You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
