i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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