No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
