i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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