OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
