toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
