I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
