just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I will pee on everything he values.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
