did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
