I murdered the dance floor call the cops
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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