Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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